Dorei
Archived
ARCHIVED - XP TRANSFERRED TO BORYOKU
PL: 185,000
Frustration (x2P) Anger (x10P) Rage (x20P)
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Post by Dorei on Dec 26, 2019 17:32:22 GMT -6
NAME: Dorei
ALIASES: Wrath
SPECIES: Shinjin
AGE: 3,769
GENDER: Male
STARTING PLANET: Otherworld
APPEARANCE
Ho_Mori on twitter is the artist.
Dorei is a 7 foot tall man with a lean build, his hair is snow white like most shinjin. Atop his head is two red horns, each pointing forward. His eyes have long lines being drawn down his cheeks. His body is covered in numerous scars from his battles in the past and a long tattoo along his chest/waist. He usually wears the clothing of mortals but has his own normal Shinjin outfit he desires which is black and red. He usually wears a bored expression but when truly angered, he loses his pupils and his teeth grow into large fangs.
BACKGROUND:
Dorei is a shinjin who was born from a fruit that was tampered with by a demon. He was found however just in time to prevent any damages and came into existence with horns akin to a demon. While not demonic in nature, the rot had taken its toll upon the Shinjin's form. He was cast into demon realm, thrown away like common garbage by his brethren.
The demon realm was cruel to him at the start, the shinjin being forced to fight for his life on a regular basis. The Shinjin made a living out there, finding a place to take refugee as he considered his options. He finally managed however to figure out how to Kai Kai to the mortal realm, where he stayed hidden from the others view. Using Magic to conceal himself from the view of his brethren, the Shinjin made a living in the mortal realm.
His anger growing with each passing day, each week, and as years began to pass, the Shinjin only grew more furious. Having been cast out for something beyond his control, his fury at them solidifying as a solid state of mind. The Shinjin was powerful, so he made a living as a bounty hunter, as a hitman, and assassin. He learned quickly, going through the decades under disguise as a mortal alien from a made up star. He trained with countless masters of the sword, learning all that he could from different races and wondering the stars.
The Shinjin made many rivals in his trade, but kept a low profile to avoid being discovered. He did this for nearly two thousand year, wondering through the stars, going from planet to planet to learn all he could. It wasn't until he lowered his guard one day that he was discovered, Shinjin coming for him in groups. He was taken by them, and despite his fury, was sealed away within a box in HFIL for his crimes. He had interfered with mortal kind, living among-st them for so long and had broken their laws. He was to lay dorment for all time, however his growing anger at their betrayal and continued disregard for his being, he was slowly breaking free. Now he was breaking free.
TECHNIQUES: Three normal slots unless stated otherwise (*NOT SIGNATURES). Some species start out with 4-5 techniques.
OFFENSIVE/DEFENSIVE TECHNIQUES:
[A1] Dead Thrust: Dorei charges ki into his hand and/or blade before thrusting forward quickly. This does 33% of his current PL as damage.
SUPPORT TECHNIQUES:
[SU1] Flash Step: Dorei uses his speed to dodge out of the way of an attack. Dodges 100% within his current PL.
UTILITY TECHNIQUES:
[UT] Aura Sense: Dorei uses his senses to search out people nearby, locating them by the feeling of their ki.
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Sketch
Administrator
PL: yes
Inspiration (x100)
Tag: @sketch
Posts: 1,567 
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Post by Sketch on Dec 26, 2019 20:44:29 GMT -6
Hello! Before you can be approved, there's a few tweaks that need tweaking:
- Rotten fruit Shinjin are classified as Demons and not Shinjin in terms of race, due to their corrupted nature. You would take after their racial transformations and traits if you wish to be a Rotten Shinjin.
- While it's a bit unclear in your background, to clarify, DBZ's HFIL/Hell is fairly tame, more akin to a time-out purgatory rather than a place of endless suffering for most. Ghostly escapees would be punished, likely, but generally speaking it's pretty chill down there when the residents aren't stirring shenanigans up. This is more of a FYI/precaution rather than a required edit.
- Mention of the Supreme Kai(s) & his immediate helpers is probably best left out- given Dorei's age, this would probably mean it was the canon Supreme Kai as well, which is by nature off-limits for interactions. Working for some general higher-up NPC Shinjin likely works best.
- Be sure to credit the artist of your linked faceclaim!
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Dorei
Archived
ARCHIVED - XP TRANSFERRED TO BORYOKU
PL: 185,000
Frustration (x2P) Anger (x10P) Rage (x20P)
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Post by Dorei on Dec 26, 2019 21:35:46 GMT -6
Fixed it I think.
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Sketch
Administrator
PL: yes
Inspiration (x100)
Tag: @sketch
Posts: 1,567
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Post by Sketch on Dec 26, 2019 22:05:39 GMT -6
Almost ready! However, if you wish to be a normal Shinjin and not a demon, I'd like to see a bit more expansion about why Dorei would be so angry so early- while some Shinjin can be more tempermental than others, most normal Shinjin don't default to anger and destruction. Perhaps there were some events that caused Dorei to have this demeanor/outlook? Raising havoc so quickly as an average Shinjin would be difficult, too. Long story short, I'd like to see more about why Dorei has the demeanor he does rather than it just being something he had at creation, since something like that would be more along the lines of a Rotten Fruit Shinjin.
When you feel you have made sufficient additions, let me know! |
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Dorei
Archived
ARCHIVED - XP TRANSFERRED TO BORYOKU
PL: 185,000
Frustration (x2P) Anger (x10P) Rage (x20P)
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Post by Dorei on Dec 26, 2019 22:46:05 GMT -6
Fixed
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Sketch
Administrator
PL: yes
Inspiration (x100)
Tag: @sketch
Posts: 1,567
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Post by Sketch on Dec 26, 2019 22:58:42 GMT -6
One last little edit- a almost-fully rotted apple does feel a bit too close to the line between demon-shinjin to still warrant being a Shinjin. Kaiju Fruit can be semi-rotted, of course, but to a degree where he'd be created with horns and other demonic traits feels like it's trodding the line a bit much. Perhaps some other external factors had an effect after he was created? Maybe a demon could have somehow afflicted him shortly after his birth or took him to the Demon Realm, or some other Shinjin that somehow had beef with him were the ones to banish him for his impurity, to give you a few ideas perhaps.
This is a fairly small edit, so let me know when you've tweaked this one last bit and I'll get back to you! |
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Dorei
Archived
ARCHIVED - XP TRANSFERRED TO BORYOKU
PL: 185,000
Frustration (x2P) Anger (x10P) Rage (x20P)
|
Post by Dorei on Dec 26, 2019 23:10:12 GMT -6
There, anything else?
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Sketch
Administrator
PL: yes
Inspiration (x100)
Tag: @sketch
Posts: 1,567
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Post by Sketch on Dec 26, 2019 23:13:34 GMT -6
Looks good- Consider yourself APPROVED! Your NG+ XP will be added shortly.
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